Saturday, June 18, 2011

A lament on Fish & Chips

I think I've just had the worst fish and chips ever. I drive past Pete's Fish and Chips frequently, it isn't far from the Creamy Ranch so I was really hoping for a good local chippie. Oh dear, oh dear oh dear where to start. Well, the price was okay at just a few bucks for a piece of fish and some chips. But was it fish and were those chips? Fish should not be rectangular and neither should it be breaded. What was that red sauce you get, eww! I don't know how you can ruin something that badly.

It wasn't like I was expecting "Architects Fish and Chips":




Just your simple old fashioned "Builder's Fish and Chips" would have done for me. So let's examine what that is.

  • Fish - Typically in England this should be Cod but with dwindling Atlantic cod stocks other flaky white fish are creeping in. If you grew up in Scotland the default fish is usually Haddock which has a much stronger fishy taste compared to cod. I spent a year living on the east coast of Scotland and sometimes forgot to specify cod in my order. I didn't mind, it made for a nice change. A good sized fillet is needed and none of this squared off processed rubbish. When cooked, it should have a bit of flakiness and an almost creamy texture.
  • Batter - The fillet of fish should be battered in a simple batter not breaded. If you're in a fancy sit down restaurant by all means make a beer batter but it isn't necessary. Flour, water, seasoning and baking soda is probably quite sufficient. That said, I've heard some chippies pass down secret family recipes. A rich golden color, crispy but not overly so. The end bits should have a yummy crunchiness to it. During frying some of this batter will break away to be scooped off and thrown away. In some parts of the UK they keep it and you can ask for these "scraps" to be added to your order. 
  • Chips - not french fries or shoestring fries, just chips. Big fat greasy chips. 
  • Presentation - paper wrapped. It used to be they would use actual newsprint but the busy bodies in health and safety stopped that. Now it's plain paper, sometimes printed up to look like news print. I think something magical happens when you wrap fish and chips. The steam softens the batter a little, the vinegar permeates the food, the chips stick to the small square of greaseproof paper placed on the bottom. It sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it. Oh, and don't go putting a polystyrene tray there either!
  • Condiments - doctors orders be damned, let them shake that big shaker of salt all over and smother it with malt vinegar. Ketchup for the chips of course (unless you are European and insist on Mayo but that really is quite wrong). Tartar sauce is acceptable at somewhere fancy as is a wedge of lemon.
 It's simple really, how can you muck it up. I remember at various points in my life walking to the local chippie and then either walking home with it tucked under my arm or sitting on a bench and eating it then and there despite bracing winds coming in off the North Sea. Salt, vinegar, grease, fish, all picked apart by eager fingers. Nowadays I am forced to eat over priced fish and chips served up on plates to be eaten with knife and fork in faux Irish pubs. It's not the same!

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